god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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