Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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