I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
