It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
