I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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