Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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