i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
