sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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