We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
