Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
