Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
