i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
farters have to be the big spoon...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
