margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
