Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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