Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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