My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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