I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
