Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
