Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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