I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
