If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
