No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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