you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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