When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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