you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
