I'm eating all of the evidence.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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