She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
