Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
