If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
