Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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