2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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