We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
