I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
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