eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
