We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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