after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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