You really coming over, don't trick.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
