Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
