I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
be right there i have to get my cape
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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