we have pet lesbian snakes
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
