when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
People with herpes should wear stickers.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
