I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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