My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
