I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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