i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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