its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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