so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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