I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
