Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
