So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
