I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
