I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
