I only kidnapped one of them. chill
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
